fiction by
SARAH CAMP
Nate can’t stop drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as he cruises through the empty streets of his hometown. His nerves run high as he goes over his plan for the night in his head. He’s going to take Emmet out into the country, bring him to Nate’s favorite spot, and stargaze with him. He’s comfortable with that part of the plan. That part of the plan is easy.
What has his fingers tapping in time to the radio is the culmination of his plan. He’s going to tell Emmet that he likes him. He has no idea how he’s going to react. Nate doesn’t even know for sure if Emmet is gay. Heck, he didn’t know he was gay until a couple of weeks ago when Emmet came crashing into his life like a meteor to the heart.
What if Emmet is disgusted. Would he hates Nate? Would their friendship be over as quickly as it had started? Nate doesn’t know what he will do if that happens. He hasn’t known Emmet for very long, but he knows that their relationship means the world to Nate.
At first, it was confusing, the emotions that Emmet triggered and the sensations of them. Nate has spent many a late night tossing and turning trying to make sense of it all. But after some soul searching and realizations, Nate has fully come to terms with it. He likes Emmet. And tonight, he’s going to tell him.
*
Emmet is waiting for him on the porch when he pulls into his driveway at exactly 8:57 p.m. He wears his signature hoodie, but with the hood down, showing off his dark, unkempt hair. Nate can’t help but stare as the breeze plays with the strands while Emmet walks to his car.
He beams at Emmet as he climbs into the passenger seat, nervousness buried beneath excitement. He knows Emmet has never seen anything like what he’s about to show him.
“You ready?” Nate asks once Emmet has pulled the seat belt across his chest.
“Considering I have no idea where you’re taking me, I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be,” Emmet responds in that dry way of his.
Not bothering with an explanation, Nate reverses out of the driveway and begins the journey towards the countryside. Before long, the abandoned farmhouse comes into view
and Nate’s nerves hit him all over again.
“We’re here,” Nate says, swallowing against the pinching in his throat. He pulls into the driveway, the tires of his car loud against the gravel.
Emmet looks around with wide eyes, swiveling his head to take in the view.
“And where exactly is here?” Emmet asks as he undoes his seat belt.
“You’ll see.” Nate says as he turns the car off and climbs out the door. He pops the trunk and pulls out the heavy quilt he had stored there earlier which he throws over one arm.
“This way,” he says, heart beginning to pick up the pace as he leads Emmet off of the gravel driveway into the tall weeds which have taken over the old lawn. Nate makes his way to one of the two silos on the property, making sure Emmet follows behind.
“We’re going up there?” Emmet asks.
Nate turns back over his shoulder to look at him. “You’re not scared of heights, are you?” He hadn’t even thought of that. If Emmet doesn’t want to go up there, he’s going to have to rethink his whole plan.
“No, but I am scared of rusty old bridges that could collapse at any moment.” Relief floods over Nate. The stars are really best seen from up high.
“Don’t worry, it’s safe. I’ve been coming here for years,” he says as he begins climbing the decrepit staircase.
“If I get tetanus, you’re footing the bill,” Emmet calls from behind him. Nate chuckles under his breath at his city boy’s worrying.
The breeze is harsher at the top of the silos, whipping through Nate’s hair and tugging at his clothes. Nate takes a handful of steps out onto the bridge between the two silos and spreads the quilt out to cover the rusty metal.
“What are we doing out here?” Emmet asks again.
Nate just smiles at him conspiratorially before sitting down on the blanket. He scoots to the side and pats the spot next to him, gesturing for Emmet to sit.
Emmet hesitates, and another moment of fear grips Nate’s chest. Is the proximity too much? The bridge is really small. They are going to end up shoulder to shoulder. Does Emmet not want to be that close to him?
“I don’t bite,” Nate tries to chuckle, masking his trepidation as he reaches a hand out and up toward where Emmet stands frozen. After another moment of hesitation, Emmet takes Nate’s hand and lets himself be pulled down next to him, their shoulders touching. Nate lets out a slow breath in relief, though he still senses tension in Emmet as he sits next to him. Is he nervous too? Or does he just not like being this close?
“Now what?” Emmet asks.
“Now,” Nate says, trying to ignore the way their proximity is making his gut twist. He turns to look Emmet directly in the eyes, those beautiful brown eyes which turn to ebony in the darkness.
“We look up.”
Nate lowers himself down to lie flat on the quilt. Emmet stares at him for a moment his face pinched in confusion, before laying down himself.
Emmet releases a small gasp as he finally takes in the view before him. Nate doesn’t have to look to know the sky is alight with stars. His focus is on Emmet’s face as he observes the wonder of nature. After a moment, Emmet’s lips part.
“It’s beautiful,” he says.
“Lydia and I used to come out here all the time,” Nate says, his tone hushed, not wanting to break the reverent air between them. “Whenever we were feeling down or just wanted to get away, this is where we’d come.”
“And you brought me here?” Emmet asks.
Nate swallows hard. He knows the implication of what he just said. Lydia was his girlfriend of three years. Now he’s sharing this sacred spot with Emmet. He wants them to be able to enjoy this place together too.
“Can’t see stars like this in the city,” Nate says rather than explain his true reasoning.
“Too much light pollution.”
Emmet blinks up at the gorgeous scene above him.
“You’ve got that right.”
“Do you know your constellations?”
“Definitely not.”
Nate grabs Emmet’s hand gently, a feeling of static excitement emanating from the contact, and maneuvers his fingers into a point, guiding him to a certain area of the sky.
“That’s Orion’s belt,” Nate says, pointing with Emmet’s finger. “You can see his body and his bow.”
Nate’s continues through the sky pointing out The Big Dipper and The Little Dipper and so many more constellations.
“You really know your stars,” Emmet says quietly as Nate finally releases his hand and they both settle back into place, shoulders still touching.
“I wanted to write a story about the different constellations. I wanted to personify them and write about how they were gods or something watching over us humans, but it didn’t really pan out.”
“That sounds like an amazing story.”
“You think?”
“Absolutely.”
A silence falls between the two of them as they take in the great expanse of the sky. Nate begins tapping his fingers against the blanket covering the bridge. He’s been stalling, but the moment is too nice to interrupt just yet. He wants to tell Emmet how he feels, but at the same time, he’s terrified of losing him if he reacts poorly.
He could just keep up the facade. Keep being his friend so long as that means keeping him close. But no. That wouldn’t be honest or fair to Emmet. He deserves to know the truth.
Nate takes a deep breath to steal himself.
“Emmet, I—”
“So, Nate—”
“You go first,” Nate says taking the excuse to stall a little longer, as cowardly as that might be.
“Right,” Emmet replies, clearing his throat. “I just wanted to thank you. For being my friend. You’re the only person here who even bothered to reach out to me, and you have no idea how much that and our friendship means to me. So, thanks for being my friend and showing me how this small-town life isn’t so bad.”
Nate swallows harshly. Emmet’s right. Nate is his only friend here. Most everyone else has either completely ignored or disregarded Emmet, or worse, targeted him as an outsider. Nate is the only one who reached out to him. They are friends, and Emmet clearly cherishes their relationship. What kind of person would Nate be if he ruined that?
“Did I say something wrong?” Emmet says after a moment of Nate not responding.
Nate glances at Emmet for a moment, seeing the wholly innocent look he fixes him with, oblivious to the confession he just shot down. Nate sits up and rubs at the back of his neck as he brings his knees up to his chest. Emmet sits up as well, an energy of trepidation radiating from him.
“No, it’s nothing,” Nate manages to croak past his burning throat. “I’m glad we’re friends too.”